He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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