You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
