you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I love having hate sex.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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