Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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