careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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