is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
