We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
