I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I am midnight drunk by noon
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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