I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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