I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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