Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
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