i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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