If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
