Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
