I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
