When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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