he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
