I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Randomize
