She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
