Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
