i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
