we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize