You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
