I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The Olympian is in my bed
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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