Will you blow on my dice?
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
