apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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