Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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