I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Randomize
