pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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