Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
