all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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