Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
