A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize