big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
