told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
