I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
