Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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