Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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