If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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