I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
