I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
