Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
