so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
