a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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