She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
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