I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
