As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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