Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Randomize
