i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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