can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just want to make out with him forever
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
