Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
