I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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