And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
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