I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
