a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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