I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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