i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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