How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
