No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
It's just like the Real World with babies
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize