my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
There's even glitter on my cock...
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