I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
