i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize