I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
