I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
