Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Randomize