I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
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