There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I have grass duct taped all over my body
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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