I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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