A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
