I accidentally burped into my bong.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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