his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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