wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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