Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I can text with my tongue
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
