Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
