omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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