Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
