dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
