I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
