they need to just BURY HIM!
I wish you could order shots online.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
