why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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