I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
