i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Randomize
