that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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