dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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