Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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