I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
