I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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